Does this kind of scare anybody else?

I'm proud to say that in my 23 years here, I've never shot or even held an actual firearm. To be honest, I don't think I ever really want to. I just don't like the idea of wielding an object that is designed with killing in mind.

What I'd like to know about guns and America is this: what's the fucking draw? I certainly don't know, but I bet these people do.

I want to hug the enemy.

Maybe I'm just weird, but I guess I'd rather think than believe.

Can you keep up with me?

Doubtful, but if you want to find out, go here.

I am white people

Today is March 11. Today, it was warm outside for the first time in ages. Today, I am white people.

If you don't believe me, look here.

Progress.

Well, my thoughts are still all intertwined and knotted up, but slowly and surely I'm making progress to straighten them out.

A good friend and (I think) regular reader of this blog told me to do one analog thing everyday. That's helped. I'm starting to rediscover the joy of being without the information and boxed entertainment that surrounds me. Today, I just sat with the one I love and talked and talked and talked in a room with the TV and the radio and the computer off. It was fun. It made me realize that maybe always devouring knowledge and information and words and pictures and canned stories isn't such a good thing. Maybe sometimes it's better to really try to wrap your head around what you've already got instead.

I'd type more, but I'm off to think for awhile -- with the lid of this laptop closed. Lately, I seem to do it better that way.

Halo doesn't kill people. People kill people.

I saw today that some senator from Illinois (let's just call him Douche McGee) is trying to push through a bill that would help to curb the sale of violent video games to kids, parents, full-grown adults or just about anybody else who wants to get their shoot-em-up on. He's claiming that committing violence on a TV screen prepares and encourages people, and especially teens, to do the same thing in real life.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

I can tell you right now that 99.99% of gamers are jerks. They scream into their microphones. They berate you for having a negative kill-to-death ratio, for stealing their kill or even for getting in their way. They use racial epithets. They are annoying in the most annoying sense of the word.

But they are NOT killers.

I know a lot of online gamers who play FPS (First Person Shooters, for the uninitiated) games with both online and offline friends. We think they're fun. We think they're a great way to entertain ourselves for hours on end. But most of all, we think that a little meaningless online killing is a great way to relax at the end of a long, hard day at work.

All that said, here's what video games are really all about:

How are changes made?

I'm a simple guy, and I try to live a simple life. But sometimes (and by "sometimes" I mean "for the last few months") I feel like all the thoughts in my head have been tangled up together in a big undoable knot that looks something like this:



Is this normal?

Is this the mindset of adulthood?
I hope not.
But if it is, I don't really want to grow up.

Is it just because I think too much?
Possibly.
My mind, though it seems unfocused at times, is always devoting its electric pulses to one facet of life or another.

Is it because secretly, deep down inside, I secretly don't like the nest I've made for myself?
Yes.
But I think, to a degree, we all deal with that problem.

But even so, I'm just not happy,
and I never want to become the frustrated suit with a short temper.
I don't want to be the one that flips the bird at the car following too close,
or the the boss that flips out on the intern for no reason,
or the angry drunk who looks for someone to fight at the bar,
then finds her at home instead.

But what do I do to get happy?
I know I've got to slow down.
Stop shooing away the minutae of life with mind-alterers
and start welcoming them with open arms.

I know I need to start living right.
Thinking. Reading. Challenging. Expanding my mind.
Instead of sticking to the same old routine of mind-numbing entertainment from the big black box in the corner.

But what else?
How else do I start on the path to a healthier body,
and uncluttered mind
and a simpler, fuller life?

I'm going to keep searching for the answer to my question,
but, if you have a minute or two, I'd like your help, too.
How do you get happy?
How do you calm yourself?
How do you fill your days with happiness and serenity?

Tell me.
Because lately mine are full of something else.
And it smells awfully bad.