Love

I've gotten a lot of advice over the last seven years.

"Play the field," they say.
"Don't settle," they say.
"You'll know when the time is right," they say.

But the most puzzling thing to me,
the most frightening thing,
is when I hear this little nugget:

"She's going to be your life. Choose wisely."

Because I, you see, am a man of independence.
A man of my own will.
An unwavering beacon of what it is to be smart and clever and unwavering.

Sure, she's the one I love, but I have a life of my own.
I won't be held back.
My ideas and my ideals will never be compromised.
I know what's best for me, and what's best for you, too.

Or so I thought.

Then she said it.
She said the only words that have shaken me to my core.
She said the words that made me know,
after acting like it for much too long,
that I am not just about me.

"Do you want this ring back? Because I don't want it."

Oxygen leaves my chest like a shot from a gun.

Of course I don't want it back.
Please no, I don't want it back.
Jesus, just keep it on your beautiful finger.

You are the only one that keeps me going.
You are the only one that keeps me in check.
You are the only one that I never, ever, ever want to lose.

Please don't give me back the best money I ever spent.
Please don't make the best years of my life for naught.
Please, please, please don't leave.

Because in the end, sweet little girl,
you are what I really want.
You are what I am really about.
You are the most treasured part of my existence.

Please, for God's sake, just stay that way forever.
Because I don't know what I'd do without you.

I love you NIki, and I always will.
I hope you will always love me, too.